Everlark
by I'm a Potterhead and I know it
Summary: Post Mockingjay, pre-Epilogue. All the characters are a bit OOC..so please bear with me. This is my first fanfiction so please no hate. Worst Summary Ever. English, rated M for violence and all..
1. Chapter 1

I sat down cautiously on the musty old couch. It exhaled a generous amount of dust along with the stench of liqour and vomit. I wrinkle my nose in disgust. It was amazing how Haymitch could make anything smell like him, even with a maid service coming daily to his house. As if on cue, he stumbles out of the bathroom, wiping his face. "You still here, sweetheart?" he asks, reaching for another bottle of wine. I pull it away from his grasp just in time. He trips, manages to steady himself and scowls at me. "Yes I'm here. And I won't leave until you tell me what I want to hear. Where is Peeta? Why din't he tell me where he was going?" I demand. "And I'm telling you again, I have absolutely no idea. He never told me anything. Now why don't you take yourself home and take a nap or something?" he says, infuriating me even more. I smash the bottle of wine on the ground before storming out of his house. I hear Haymitch yelling, but I ignore him.

I trudge into my house and lock the door. I pull off my father's jacket and set it on the hanger. I am less careful with my other clothes, pulling them off and tossing them away on the way to the bathroom. It really doesn't matter since I live alone now. My mother harldy ever calls because of her work and Prim...I try my hardest not to think about her. But every night, the haunting images of her being turned into flames flash in front of my eyes. I fill the bathtub with hot water and get in, with my underclothes on. My head starts throbbing where Johanna hits, a reminder that the games still affect my life. The pain and nightmares have gotten worse these days. Ever since Peeta left. I submerge myself in the water and close my eyes. Where did he go? Why din't he tell me? Usually, his steady arms are my saviours from the nightmares. But the steadiness of his arms has deteriorated. Ever since his capture after the Quarter Quell, he has been struggling to keep his sanity. I break the surface of the water, gasping for air. His relapses have been more frequent lately. His last one was the worst. And it could have been his tipping point.

*flashback* *a week ago*  
"Peeta, I'm going hunting. I can't stay in bed any longer." I call out. I'm supposed to be on bedrest after I sprained my right arm and leg while hunting. I climb down the stairs and grab my gear. I turn around to see Peeta standing with his back to me. "Did you hear me Peeta? I said I'm going hunting." I say. He doesn't react. "Peeta?" I say slowly. My stomach clenches as he swivels around. His pupils are dialated and his bright blue eyes have darkened to look almost black. He is having a relapse. "Mutt." he growls, slowly moving towards me. Instinctively, I back away from him. He looks manic as he raises his hands, still advancing. "Peeta! I'm not a mutt!" I say now backing away more quickly. He lunges forward and I feel myself slam against the kitchen wall. I'm trapped. Peeta closes his fingers around my neck. "P-Peeta...no.." I say. His grip tightens around my neck. I start seeing bright red spots in front of my eyes. "MUTT!You killed my family." he yells. "No..I din't.." I whisper, tears escaping my eyes. He lets go of me and I fall to the ground, gasping for air. He pulls me by my hair and drags me to the staircase. I'm yelling his name a thousand times, but he doesn't listen. He slams me against the bottom stairs. I feel blood dripping down my face. He pulls me up onto my feet and slaps me in the face. "HAYMITCH! HAYMITCH HELP!" I yell as loudly as I can. "No one will save you! I will kill you and then everything will be back to normal." he snarls at me, yanking my hair so hard that I cry out in pain. I try escaping, but he just grips both my hands and twists them. "Peeta..Peeta please, come back to me." I sob. He lets out a manic laugh and pulls my hair again. My eyes go in and out of focus. Suddenly I hear the front door bang open. Peeta turns around and taking advantage of his lapse in concentration, I wrench myself away and run up the stairs. I hear him coming and I try to run faster. I feel him grab my leg and I fall down. "No way you're escaping." he says, and bangs my head against the stairs. The last thing I hear is Haymitch's voice yelling my name before I black out completely.

When I wake up, I'm in a soft bed. My head feels like it's gonna explode. I try to sit up, but I find a blonde head on my stomach. I suddenly remember the whole thing. I run my fingers through his blonde curls, tears flowing down my cheeks. I made him into this terrible creature. He stirs and I move my hand away. He straigtens up and looks at me. He looks utterly devastated. His eyes have dark bags under them and he is wearing the same clothes. His eyes have retuned to their normal blue, but they are also wet. "Peeta.." I whisper. "I-I'm so sorry Katniss!" he cries out, startling me. Peeta is generally a calm person. I try to talk but he just says "I-I could have killed you..I can't do this anymore..I'm a danger to you.."he sobs. I take his hand in mine and say "No, you just lost control" . He laughs . "You can't say that everytime." He kisses my hand gently and whispers "I love you..and I'm sorry." He gets up and leaves. "Peeta! Wait!" I call after him. I try to get up but I am so woozy, I have to sit back down. "Woah sweetheart, not so fast." says Haymitch, entering the room. He gives me some pills which I drink. I immediately feel drowsy. "Haymitch.." I mumble. "Shh. You sleep." he says, covering me with a duvet. "Peeta..Peeta.." I say, fighting the drowsiness. "I'll talk to him. " I hear Haymitch say. "Peeta.." I whisper before slumping onto my pillows and falling asleep.

*end flashback*

Peeta's been missing since then. I bury my face in my hands. He's gone. I'm sure of it. And I couldn't stop him.  
I finish my bath and get out of the water. I change into my pyjamas and get ready for bed, even though it's still about 10 in the morning. I slump down on my pillows and try to fall asleep. Suddenly, I hear the front door opening. I jump out of bed and down the stairs, hoping it's Peeta. I come into the living room and my breath gets caught in my throat. It's not Peeta. Or Haymitch.

"Gale?"


	2. Chapter 2

I stare at him, trying to process the sight in front of me. I take in his appearance. His hair is longer than I remember and he is dressed in fancy Capitol clothes. He looks completely different from the boy I met all those years ago. He turns around at my voice. His face breaks into a tentative sort of smile. "Hey Catnip." Its those words that turn my disbelief into anger. Without fully realising, I grab a vase off a table and fling it at him. He manages to duck just in time. He straightens up with a shocked expression etched on his face. I look around for something else to throw at him. I grab another ornament, but I'm shaking so much that I drop it promptly. Gale takes small, cautious steps towards me. "Katniss.." he says slowly. "NO!" I yell at him, backing away. "Katniss, just hear me out." he pleads. "No Gale! I will not!" I scream back "You abandoned me! You left me stranded here to wallow in my sorrows! You left me when I most needed you!You never even told me where you went, I had to hear where my best friend had gone from Plutarch!".

I sit down on the stairs, trying to catch my breath. Gale comes and sits down next to me. I sit there motionless as he starts to explain his absence. "I left because I felt guilty. It was my bomb that..I never meant for it to harm her. I never imagined Coin would use it to kill innocent children. I couldn't face you Katniss. I know no amount of apologies will make you forgive me..but I really am sorry. I loved her just as much as my siblings. I-I'm sorry." I look up to see his eyes reflecting the same pain and anguish that mine have permanently adapted. I stand up and walk to the kitchen. I fill a glass with cold water and bring it back to him. "Here. " I say, pushing the glass towards him. He mumbles his thanks and gulps down the water. I sit back down next to him and say "You can't expect me to be all ecstatic because you decide to show up after all this time. So let's just take it one step at a time. I know you are sorry about..about Prim..and I don't blame you for the bomb." He looks up at me, disbelief reflecting off his face. I nod and say "Yea, I don't blame you. You only created it. I know you loved Prim too. But Gale, I am still mad at you for leaving me alone here. I literally had no one. So, I have to think about forgiving you." He nods and smiles. "I knew you would at least consider it. Thanks Catnip." he says. He gulps down the rest of the water and stes the glass down on the steps. He gently takes my hand in his and strokes my palm with his thumb. I smile slightly. This was how he used to comfort me whenever I got upset or angry.

Memories of us, sitting in this exact position in the woods, wash over me. Those days seem a million years away. I clear my throat and lay my head on his shoulder. "So..Plutarch mentioned something about a job.." I say slowly. "Yeah..I was offered a job in District 2 and 4." he says nonchalantly. "Really? Which one did you accept?" I ask, now genuinely curious. "I took the one in 4. It seemed..calmer than 2." he replies. District 4. Fishing. Finnick's district. I swallow hard , trying to stop the tears from spilling. "What is your job, anyway?" I ask, hoping my voice won't crack. "I'm helping them build a new government. A better, fairer one. Like Plutarch described." he says. I let out a sigh.

I slowly glance at him. He is smiling at me, but his eyes say something else. "Don't..don't look at me like that. I don't want pity." I say. He lets out a booming laugh "Typicl Catnip". I reluctantly smile. "So..where's Peeta?" he asks. He seems almost too cool when he asks it. I think of an answer to give him. I can't stop thinking that Peeta has left me for good. "He's..uh...he's gone away to do.. something.." I mumble. He nods and smiles. "Gale..." I start my sentence but he just shakes his head. "I know Katniss. I know you are in love with him. You don't have to tell me." he says. He knows. Haymitch knows. Finnick knew. Everyone knows except me. " How do you know? " I blurt out before I can stop myself. He lets out a loud laugh. I stare at him. He shakes his head. I hate it when he shakes his head like that. Makes me feel inferior somehow. "You may be good at leading rebellions, but you are hopless when it comes to feelings." Which leaves me gaping. He gets up and points toward the phone. "Can I?" he asks. I nod and walk off to wash my face. He is probably right, I think. I've always been in love with Peeta. That's why his absence hurts so much. That's why my heart feels like it's made of lead right now. That's why all I want to do is curl up under my blankets and cry. I wash my face and look at myself in the mirror for the first time in days. I look horrible. There are dark bags under my eyes and I look like I'm gonna drop and fall asleep any moment. My head is a tangled mess of wet hair. I sigh and wipe my hands off. I don't look like a normal teenager. Or a rebel. I look like a weak, broken mess. And I hate it.

When I return I see Gale setting down the phone. Not wanting to seem too curious, I ask "You done so soon?" "Yeah, actually. I - uh - sort of brought you a surprise from District 4 and I was checking if it arrived." he replies, smiling. "Oh? So, has it arrived?" I ask. "It will in a few minutes" he laughs. "I guess the rebellion changed you too ,huh?" I say, moving to the couch. I sit and pull my legs upto my chest. He sits on the coffee table and looks at me questioningly. "You barely smiled or laughed before..and now, look at you" I say. He grins at me and says "Well, I din't have a reason before did I? Except for you of course." He gets up and walks to the door, leaving me feeling sheepish.

Suddenly the doorbell clangs loudly. I push myself off the couch and walk to the door, which Gale has already opened. He turns toward me, his face split in a wide grin, and gestures to the door. "Your surprise." I walk over , wondering what it is that he could'nt bring inside. I reach the door and my blood turns to ice. My surprise smiles at me, lighting up his warm brown eyes, his gold eyeliner gleaming.

Cinna. 


	3. Chapter 3

_Hello to all. So I'm here to apologise to you guise. I'm new here..as in, I din't even know how to update and had to text a friend..(-_-) and I'm uber sorry for not even interacting with you. _

_Shoutout to my first follower, THANK YOU SO MUCH! =D_

_I will try to update as much as possible, but with exams and my mom nagging me to study, I hope I will be able to.._

_Thanks again..Keep reading! =D_

My head starts throbbing again. I feel the ground spinning around. It must have shown, because Gale quickly holds me steady. "Cinna?" I whisper, my voice quavering. "Hey girl on fire." he replies, his voice quiet but smiling. I launch myself into his arms and start sobbing into his jacket, staining the lovely silk. "I..they..said you-you were d-d-" I manage to say in between my sobs. "Hey, you din't think I'd die without designing your actual wedding gown, now did you?" he says, making me laugh before sobbing more furiously. He leads me in and we sit on the couch, my arms still wrapped tightly around his shoulders.

After about an hour, in which I managed to tell my whole story through the sobbing and the tears, we sit with hot cups of tea (courtesy of Gale) clutched in our hands.

Haymitch, who had come after Gale forced him to, sits there mumbling something about making his tea Irish. Cinna smiles at me and I don't hesitate in returning it. Suddenly, something clunks into place in my brain. "You got kidnapped before the Quarter Quell..how did you escape?". "It wasn't easy, but I had a little help from a Peacekeeper. He was an old friend and he owed me one." he replies.

"Were-were you tortured?" I ask slowly. He stiffens up before answering "Yeah, a bit. I escaped before they could do any big damage." I close my eyes and the image of him before the Quarter Quell, bloody and unconcious, swims into view. My lower lip trembles and I try to stop my tears for what feels like the umpteenth time.

Cinna rubs my back and says "Hey, girl on fire, I'm fine. All my injuries have healed. You used to be stronger than this." he adds slowly.

"I..this is all my fault. All the pain, the destruction, the loss..all because of me. I never should have pulled that stupid stunt with those berries. I should have swallowed them and just let Peeta win the Games. So many people would be alive if I had done that." I blurt out. A cascade of tears fall down my cheeks into my tea. Cinna continues rubbing my back in a soothing way.

I feel an arm on my shoulder. I straighten up to see Haymitch sitting there. He looks sober for once. I lay my head on his shoulder. "Well, if you did eat the berries and die, we wouldn't have this free nation now would we?" he says. "Yeah Katniss. This democracy idea is working amazingly. Plutarch was right. The changes in the districts attitudes have been unbelievable. They are all happy to finally get a voice for their own. " says Gale smiling. "B-but so many died. For no reason." I say.

Haymitch sighs "Sweetheart, those people sacrificed themselves. Every person was willing to give up their lives in order to win the war. You couldn't convince them even if you tried." "I guess so..but how would that reasoning stop my nightmares?" I ask.

The room falls silent. After about 5 minutes of uncomfortable silence, Cinna speaks up. "Where's Peeta? Is he in his house?".

I open and close my mouth like a fish, no sound emanating from it. My voice feels trapped in my throat. I look down at my knees, hoping the moment will pass. Thankfully, Haymitch comes to my rescue. "I think he's gone somewhere..might be back in a day or two.." he says, sounding too casual.

I can feel Cinna and Gale looking at me, but I continue looking at my knees. "Katniss..what happened?"whispers Cinna. I try to stay cool and reply "Nothing happened. He just went somewhere. Probably on some work or something." . Cinna pretends not to hear and says, his voice soft and concerned " Was it a relapse?" .

My head shoots up on its own accord. "You-you know?" I ask. I left out that particular detail from my story. As an answer to my question, he simply replies "Plutarch is an old friend too." I sigh. Of course.

I tell him everything. All of his relapses. Even the parts I hid from Haymitch, who looks both angry and sad. When I finish, the three of them hug me. I gratefully accept their hugs. "Oh Katniss..I din't know it was that bad." says Cinna. "It isn't. He usually controls himself. He is strong enough. But last time...oh Cinna..I can't stand it. I made him into this monster!" I exclaim.

They all protest together. I can't make out what they are saying, but I get the gist. I feel angry that they are defending me, making me look a lot better than I actually am.

"NO!" I cry out. I stand up and stamp my foot in frustration. "Just admit it! This is my fault! I destroyed him! He was an amazing person, so kind, so sweet, so perfect..but because of me, he is a broken shell! He is gone!" I spit back at them. There is a long silence. Cinna slowly says "You really love him, don't you?" This takes me by surprise. But I decide to answer anyways. "Yeah. I do. And I hate that it took me so long to realise it." I say.

I chance a look at Gale, who smiles and shakes his head in that annoying way. "He isn't gone. He is still in there Katniss. You just have to bring him out of that darkness." says Haymitch sadly. "What if I can't?" I ask. No reply.

I turn run upstairs. I hear someone coming and I run faster, locking the door behind me. I slide down and sob into my knees.


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! So I meant to update yesterday but I got kinda busy..*sheepish smile***

**And sorry this chapter is tiny. It was longer, but I cut it short..for dramatic purposes and whatnot..=P **

**Anywho, I wanted to thank the 2 new followers! THANK YOU! You guys are awesome! =D 3**

**And I can't believe I forgot this detail : I do not own The Hunger Games. It belongs to Suzanne Collins. **

**Enjoy! =D and I promise I'll update soon! **

I slide down and sob into my knees.

They literally just confirmed my worst fear. That the Peeta I fell in love with is gone for good. I miss him so much it hurts.

I stumble to my dresser and open the top drawer. I pick up the box and unwrap it carefully. I gently touch the smooth surface of the pearl he gave me during the Quarter Quell. It's as pristine as it always was. As if nothing has changed.

Someone knocks hard on the door, startling me. I put the pearl back, walk over to my bed and fall onto it. "Katniss!?" I hear Gale's voice. He is the last person I wanna talk to. I burrow myself in the sheets and close my eyes.

I hear muffled sounds of knocking on the door, but I ignore them. I just want to talk to one person. I just wanna feel his arms around me, so warm and protective.

I drift into an uneasy sleep, sprinkled with nightmares about Peeta being tortured. I wake up screaming for him each time.

After what I feel is the fourth time, I feel someone stroking my hair. The touch is exceedingly gentle and so familiar. I open my eyes and see my mom's tired face smiling down at me.

"Mom.." I whisper and scoot closer to her, not questioning her presence. That can be done later. She pulls my head onto her lap. I close my eyes and allow her to keep storking my hair. All of a sudden, I feel water on my face. I open my eyes to see tears streaming down my mothers face. "Mom? Why?" I ask. She shakes her head and wipes the tears, saying "Sorry, it's just seeing you like this, scarred and worn out. The old Katniss was so strong." "She's gone mom. She can never come back now." I say. My mom gently whispers " Let it out honey. You can't hold it in forever."

And just those few words make me cry harder than I ever did. I shake and clutch her hands so tight that my finger marks become visible, bu she doesn't react. She just holds me closer and lets out her own tears. The awful choking noises escape me and I try to compose myself, but that just induces more sobs.

I fall asleep without realising it and when I wake up, it's almost four in the evening. I feel lightheaded, tired but a bit better than I did before. I change into the clothes my mother has laid out for me and go downstairs. When I reach the hall, I see all of them talking and laughing. As I come in, they slowly stop talking and become solemn. I sigh and say " You can talk in front of me. I don't bite." I sense the group letting out an inaudible sigh of relief.

Cinna pats the couch cushions and I go and sit next to him. He takes my frozen hands in his warm ones. My mother and Gale start talking about the stupid things I did as a child, for entertainment purposes. Haymitch steadily drinks through the bottle of wine which was meant for everyone. I roll my eyes and lay my head on Cinna's shoulder. "Oh hey, I bought you something. I forgot about it with the reunion and all.." he says suddenly. He moves to the end of the couch and pulls out a box. He hands it to me and winks. I take that as a hint to open the box. I pull it apart and a whole mess of fabric falls onto my lap.

I stand up and shake it out to find a beautiful green dress with thin golden straps. "Wow..it's amazing Cinna. Obviously." I say. "Turn it around." he says.  
I turn the dress around to see a mockingjay, made entirely out of golden sequins, embroidered on the back. The slightest movement made it sparkle and look like..like it's on...

"I never stopped betting on you, Girl on Fire." says Cinna. A shaky laugh escapes me. The last time he said that, he was almost killed. "Thank you." I say, kissing him on the cheek. He smiles in return. "So, are you gonna go up and try it on now or after lunch?" he asks me. "Umm for what?" I say. "Well, I just asked when you're going to try it on." smirks Cinna. "Why do I have to try it on again?" I ask. He laughs and shakes his head, as if I was missing the most obvious thing in the world.

"For your interview with Caesar Flickerman tonight."


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey all you lovely people! **

**I am SO sorry I haven't updated in so long! I had a stupid Math exam and I fried my brain studying for it..**

**But I'm done with it and I swear I will update as much as possible! **

**And a HUGE thanks to my new followers! You guys rock! =D**

**Enjoy and seriously, I will update soon! x **

* * *

My heart plummets and thuds somewhere around my navel. I start seeing tiny red spots in front of my eyes. "I-Interview? With Flickerman? In...in the Capitol?" I cry out. "Yes..I thought you knew..Haymitch made the deal with him weeks ago, din't he tell you?" asks Cinna, the confusion obvious in his voice. I swivel around and glare at Haymitch. He raises his hands and says "Hey, to be fair, I was too busy saving you from the Crazy Kid.." "Haymitch! Why did you say yes to him!?" I cry out. "I dunno, I barely heard him." he says. I cry out in frustration. "I can't go back to the Capitol!" I yell. A million memories start running through my head.

The first games, Rue's song, Peeta all bloodied up, Snow's roses, Cinna getting beaten up, Mags dying, Portia and her team getting murdered on live TV, Peeta strangling me, Finnick getting torn apart, Prim burning.

My hands start shaking so violently that I drop the dress and fall onto the couch. Cinna and my mother sit down on either side of me and try to calm me down. "I can't go back there. Please don't make me go back." I whisper. Cinna takes my hand in his and gently says "I know. It's horrible that you have to go back..but you are the still the Mockingjay. The face of the rebellion. Everyone's saviour. They need to know your story." He hugs me and I let out a sigh.

He's right. As usual. "I'll...I'll do it. " I say. He smiles and plants a light kiss on my forehead. A light beep emanates from his pocket and he grins widely and says "Well, I have something special for you..hopefully it will cheer you up." I glance at him tiredly. I've had enough surprises for a day. As if he read my mind he says "I know you must be tired of surprises, but this is the last one." I let out a reluctant giggle and stand up. He walks over to the door and pulls it open.

All of a sudden, my ears are assaulted by the sound of high pitched shrieks. I am confused for a moment until a bunch of bright orange curls hit me in the face. And a bright green pair of arms circle my neck. My old prep team is back. I hug them back and they squeeze me tighter. Finally, after what felt like hours trapped in a perfume bottle, the three of them let go of me. I take a good look at them. They look better than they did back in 13 and genuinely happy to see me. Maybe because I haven't reacted much,they stand back looking concerned.

I realize they think I'm still crazy. Like I was in 13. I smile at them and their faces erupt in relieved grins and, in Octavia's case, tears. "Oh Katniss..we missed you so much!" says Octavia, wiping away her tears. "Me too." I lie. Truth is, I really din't remember them until now. "How've you been?" I ask, mostly to mask the awkward silence forming between us. "Oh great..The three of us moved to District 1. And we live in matching apartments!" exclaims Flavius. He continues talking about the upholstery, the colours of the bathrooms, the facilities and the difference between District 1 and the Capitol. I see everyone geting bored, especially Haymitch who openly starts drinking noisily, but I pay attention. It's the least I could do.

"I mean, it was almost the same before the war..now it's a bit..umm..different." he finishes awkwardly. "That's great. Really, I'm happy for you guys." I say. They all smile at me. Cinna clears his throat and the whole house looks at him. "There's someone else here." he says gesturing towards the door. I hear the "clack-clack" sound of high heels hitting the floor and I instantly realize who it is. "Effie!" I cry and run to the door.  
"So you knew it was me." she smiles back. She looks the same as she always does, pink wig and all. We hug and I lead her into the house. "Well, I see much hasn't changed since I last visited you." she says, staring pointedly at Haymitch, who lets out an enormous burp as a reply. Effie looks so disgusted, that a giggle escapes me.

She looks at me and says "Well, honey. We have a big, big day ahead of us! The train is waiting..shall we leave?"  
I nod and within minutes, all of us, including Gale and my mom, are heading onto the train.

I step inside and the first thing I see is a vase full of roses. White roses.

I grip the end of a small table covered in glass ornaments. "No..it's not Snow. He's dead. He can't be here. He isn't here." I think to myself.

And suddenly, a lot of things happen at the same time.

The smell of the roses reaches my nose. I hear glass breaking. I feel the ground moving. I see the ceiling of the train. I hear footsteps. Everything goes black.


End file.
